The Woes of Parenthood

I have been in a rotten mood for the last several days.

My kids are driving me crazy. We have three teens with textbook attitudes. In generalities - they’re inconsiderate of our feelings. They ignore us. They only speak to us when they want something.  They feel entitled to the luxuries of being in this family without really contributing. (They’re normal, I get it, but that’s not the point – stick with me.)  Yesterday, my motto was “I’m tired of being a mom, I don’t want to do it anymore.” I don’t feel connected to them. I don’t feel loved or cherished by them. I feel like I’m only good for serving their needs in that immediate moment, and then I might as well not exist.

I’ve been sulking for days. Tonight, I’m hiding in my room because the one night we could have dinner together this week, they immediately shot down the only meal I had planned because suddenly they don’t like it. (Two of them anyway, one of them didn’t even bother to show up…) It felt like the final blow, so I took a swift retreat to hide; I grabbed a new book, and decided to dig in with God, where it was safe.

Two pages into my pity party, it hit me. 

Right in the gut. 

This is how we treat God. 

We’re inconsiderate of His feelings, outlined clearly in the Word. We ignore him…until we need something. We swoop in for a 2-minute prayer begging God to give us what we want, and we’re back on our way, doing our own thing and waiting for Him to deliver. We feel entitled to His blessing, but unwilling to contribute or sacrifice our own desires to earn it. I bet he feels disconnected, unloved, uncherished more often than not. I bet He feels like He’s only here to serve when WE want. I bet if He was anything less than God, He’d be saying “I’m tired of being a heavenly Father, I don’t want to do it anymore.” But, praise Jesus, He doesn’t. He waits patiently, willing to sit as long as He needs until we come back and crawl into His arms because the truth is the weight of the world is just too much.  

I love my kids. They’re good kids. I understand they’re getting older and finding their identity and I don’t fit in their lives the same way I used to. I understand that the hormones in this house outnumber the stars. Most days, I can take it in stride…but I’m still human, and some days it hurts worse. But when I think about the fact that in a very real way, I can treat God – the savior of my entire life, the only hope I have in this world, the only unfaltering stability and love I have – with the same disregard that I’m experiencing…my heart breaks.

So from now on, when they hurt my feelings, I will stop and offer up praise to the One who is always with me. When they ignore me, I will run to spend time with my heavenly Father – not to ask for anything, but to tell Him how much I love Him. When I feel used, I will thank God for a blessing. I will use my feelings as a reminder to be intentional with God. I will think of all the things that make me feel loved, cherished, worthy, and connected, and I will reflect those behaviors to heaven. Because though I know God would never say “I don’t want to do this anymore” – I don’t want to even make him think about it.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. - Lamentations 3:22-23

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. - Psalm 13:5