The Fruit of Truth

Truth is a seed; what you do with it will determine the fruit it bears. (paraphrased)

I’ve been reading Watchman Prayer (Dutch Sheets). I just finished the chapter on how important it is for us to be watchmen over ourselves. When you’ve been struggling with something, and God breaks it open – it’s both liberating and disorienting at the same time…so I’m here today to process as much as share. To do that, I am going to share a section in the chapter (if you identify at all, I highly recommend you read it.)

“One of the misconceptions of trying to renew the soul is assuming it can be changed simply by a quality choice. In reality, however, a person is not able to overcome a stronghold, established mindset or habit just by choosing to be different. That is only the first step of a process. What must be chosen is the process of change.”

I was recently given a chance to serve in a role that is an incredible opportunity, particularly by the world’s standards. From a practical standpoint, I felt equipped to fill the responsibilities even if they were new to me and carried a tremendous weight with them. From a personal standpoint, it scared the wits out of me. I have made no secret that I am a recovering workaholic. The consequences of those years of my life are widespread and were very painful. It not only hindered my relationships with people, but it crippled my relationship with God. It is not an area I want to return to any time soon.

As I prayed (fervently) over the situation, I asked God “why now? Why is it ok now, and it wasn’t before…” and he answered in my heart of hearts, “you weren’t ready before.” It should also be no secret that in the last year God has worked diligently on my soul, my perspective, my priorities, and my surrender. You have to know that any time you’re working toward learning something, there will always be a test at the end to evaluate how successfully you learned the material. I believe we have embarked upon the test; the point where God says, I know you know this, now let’s see you use it.

While I have not epically failed over the last few weeks, I have definitely struggled. I’ve struggled to prioritize correctly, to remain with my eyes looking up and not around me. I’ve actively battled to prevent slipping into pride, fear of failure, or obsessive striving for success. To tell the truth, I was beginning to doubt that I could handle it without slipping back into old patterns - and I in no way, shape, or form think we’re anywhere near the end of this test. You know what I do know? I know that God is with me in it. He placed a heavy burden on my heart to come to him today, and he’s been ministering to my soul the entire time. He’s brought scripture to me to encourage me, to remind me of where the boundaries are, and he’s re-centered my soul.  I have accepted the process of change – I don’t have to be perfect immediately. Any test he lays before me is for my benefit – to identify where work still needs to be done, and continue refining my character, my spirit, and my mind.  

We are never going to walk alone, God promises that. We are never going to walk perfectly, and that isn’t what God is asking of us. But when he calls you to come to him, you must obey in that one area – because he’s calling you to redirect you, build you up, refocus you before you start making the same mistakes all over again.

I surrendered my earthly position to God several months ago; I have asked him only to direct my steps down the path that he has planned for me. I’ve asked him to help control my own fleshly desires so that I do not get distracted. For several months, he made that very easy for me…he removed the ability to be distracted. (You should know that in order to get THAT I had to surrender our financial stability to him, too; nothing big comes without sacrifice.) And now, he has brought me to a place where, if I am not very careful, I can slip into desiring personal success and pride over wanting his will for me.

Have I won the war? No, but I think this morning I won the battle. I had begun to slip into being overwhelmed, feeling inadequate, abandoning boundaries – but instead of digging in and plowing ahead (like I used to), I stopped and came to him. I put down the earthly burden, and asked him to minister to my soul…and boy did he respond. And instead of feeling overwhelmed, I feel loved. I feel him with me, which means I am capable of being more than adequate. I’m not focused on the future, I’m focused on how the here and now are changing me to be more in tune with him.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m not concerned with controlling it. If I am surrendered to his will, then I know the outcome will be whatever he has determined is in my best interest. At a minimum, this time I have in front of me will test my growth, my relationship with him, and will determine how far I have come in this walk – and I am just as anxious to see how much stuck. As I continue on this walk, this is what I have to remember:

I am a child of the living God. I have a purpose and a plan greater than anything you can imagine. If God has willed it, I will not fail. I may trip, and I may stumble, but I am promised to be walking in his victory and I will be victorious in any place HE establishes me. My eyes are on him; I have surrendered to his plan, and whether circumstances endure for a moment or a lifetime, as long as I am in his will I can count on his promises.  In the process, those around me may be blessed by my own faith and obedience…and I hope when they are, they see it for what it is: the unconditional, never-ending love of Jesus for us all.

I love Dutch Sheets’ amplified version of Hebrews 4:12-13, so I’ll leave you with it:

The Word of God is alive – actively alive – it is filled with the life of God and is full of His energy. It toils and works in us and is operative and effectual. It is sharp enough and fully competent (adequate, sufficient, ample, has enough ability) to channel itself through the various areas of the soul and spirit, reaching its desired end and attaining its desired goal. It is fully adequate! It will arrive and will accomplish its goal once it gets there! It will divide between the soul and spirit, apportion to each what is needed as it critiques the thoughts and intentions of the heart. When necessary it lays a knife to the throat of anything found in the soul that is contrary to His Word.

May your walk be filled with the Word of God.