Every square is a rectangle

Every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square.

Hope is faith, but faith is not always hope.

It took me weeks to put together those few simple words to describe the torrent of what I was feeling. There are so many treasures of God that we think we know, until we realize we don’t really know it at all. His word and his ways are so much deeper than we realize until we begin to experience this life with him – and then we see the depths of what understanding God would really be.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. – Hebrews 11:1

I recently found myself in a pattern of saying: I know you CAN, I don’t know if you WILL – and since I want to be in YOUR will and not my own, I’m just going to believe you can, but you might not, and I’m going to have faith but not hope. The idea of hoping (again) for something that might not happen felt way too big to carry. I was confused; I didn’t know how to explain that my faith in God was not in question, but my faith in what God would do was 100% in question and my already broken heart couldn’t handle another disappointment. A lot of days even I questioned if that meant my faith had taken a hit – but I knew in my heart this had nothing to do with faith.

And then I caught one line of Danny Gokey’s new song, Stay Strong: My hope might be shaken but my faith will never break.

That. That is what I was feeling. My hope was shaken, not my faith. As I began to process through these two very powerful, very linked-in-my-mind words I began to realize that while I had historically lumped these together, I was experiencing a very real time in my life that they were absolutely separate.

I have reached a critical crossroad. I know it’s critical, because I can hear God saying – the outcome of this situation is based on what you choose. You will either hope in me for it and have it, or you will not and you won’t, but you have to choose one.

He’s not letting me off easy. Although, I took a pretty weak stance when you think about it. It’s very – middle of the road, noncommittal, an easy way to think you won’t get hurt because you aren’t truly hoping for anything specific. It sounds noble, and faithful – Your will, God, not my own…and there is certainly merit to that stance – but in truth (at least this time) it was a big fat cop out. 

We get in the habit of protecting our own hearts and forgetting that God is the ultimate protector. In doing that, I think we lose out on a lot of blessing that God wants to pour out.  

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. – Romans 15:13

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. – Romans 12:12

Over and over, I kept hearing God say, choose one. You’re either going to hope for what you want, or you’re going to lose it. So, I picked a side. I mustered the little courage I had left, partnered it with the promises of God, and decided I would hope for the things I desired; the desires I believe He put in my heart himself. I would believe with everything I had inside me (no matter how small) that he would fulfill his word. I would stand my hope up on the endless well of faith that I knew was bubbling inside me. 

I haven’t heard “choose one” since that day. Instead, I keep hearing a quiet whisper, “just wait.”

Ugh, from one tough subject to another: I have a proven track record of being the worst in waiting. But I hear him, and in the moments when I start to doubt, that little whisper is comforting. This is why studying scripture and understanding the character and voice of God is so important. Sometimes I can hear him so clearly that we can have a full, two-way conversation…but in the tough times, its often that still, small voice everyone talks of. It’s quiet among the cacophony of everything swirling around it…but it’s peace. When I find myself staring at my Bible, feeling lost, not knowing where to even start, not sure I have the strength to hear what he has to say today…I hear the quiet whisper of “Wait. I’m putting the pieces together, it’s not ready yet. Just wait.”

I don’t know what he’s putting together, and I certainly don’t know how long it will take. But I do know that he is good (Psalm 25:8-9), he has good plans (Jeremiah 29:11), and whatever his plans are they’re way better than anything I can come up with (Ephesians 3:20). My faith is not broken, my hope is definitely shaken…but I believe God will accept me exactly where I am in this moment. He knows my humanity, and most importantly he knows my heart. I believe he is holding my hand, walking me forward one small step at a time while he moves the chess pieces ahead of me into a perfectly abundant future. I can have faith AND hope in that.