Wait

I was watching a video recently that asked, “what is God asking you to do?”

I wanted to laugh, but if I’m honest I was a bit irritated. If ONLY God would ask me to do SOMETHING. But instead, God asked me to give up the things I was doing and wait. No task assignment. No specific Bible study assignment. He’s barely given me inspiration to write. No next step. No new challenge. Just…wait.

As I was praying for my word in 2024 – I think I knew somewhere deep down in my soul that the word was WAIT, but I didn’t want that to be my word so I kept asking and kept praying. Nothing else really came forward but I would never let WAIT sit long enough in my soul to acknowledge it.

Waiting is 1) not my strong suit, and 2) it’s not fun. It’s stagnant and unproductive. There is no accomplishment in waiting.

But in all things God is persistent and he did not give up on me. He sent word other ways – most recently confirming his message: I know you, I see you, I love you. Remain faithful and just wait. I am working things out, but right now, I need you to wait.

I’d love to say that I embraced the message and accepted the truth with grace. I did not. I sobbed. I was frustrated. I don’t want to wait. Wait on WHAT. I have already sacrificed what made me feel validated, expecting plans to come through that would allow me to further God’s kingdom. I am still dealing with incredible trauma and loss – related to something YOU promised me. I’m fighting every day to hang on to the truth – that you are good, that there is hope in you, that all things work for good in you. I’m battling doubt and fear and all these uncomfortable feelings. I feel distant from you at times – your silence is deafening most days. And through all this turmoil, you’re just saying – Wait. Have faith.

So, when I listened to that question, “what is God asking you to do?” followed by encouragement to step forward into where God is calling you – all I could think is, I’m standing at your feet saying, “here I am, send me” and all you have for me is wait.

I knew that my response wasn’t what it should be, and as I processed through these emotions one by one, I realized something: everything I was feeling was so incredibly selfish. It wasn’t about God, it was about me and what I wanted for myself. And I heard God quietly whisper, “what’s wrong with spending time with me? My request for you to wait is an opportunity to pause and draw closer to me. I haven’t given you any other assignment, I’m just asking you to spend this time getting to know me – is that so bad?”

I immediately repented. While I was so wrapped up in doing things for God that had an external impact, I completely missed the opportunity for this time to have an incredible internal impact. I was ashamed – knowing God, spending time in His presence, that’s all anyone could ever want…and here I was, with a silver platter in front of me – no new assignment, just spend time with Me – and I was complaining about it.

Do you know what the Hebrew word used for “wait” actually means?

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD. – Psalms 27:14

Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off. – Psalm 37:34

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. – Psalm 39:7

Qavah (Kawa): to bind together (perhaps by twisting); collect; to expect; gather together

God isn’t asking me to wait, sitting idle with no forward progress.

He’s asking me to entwine myself with him, to bind us more closely together, to become as one. What more beautiful gift could God give me than a season of waiting?